omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
