Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
