at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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