You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
