i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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