my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
