So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
