I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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