I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
