ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
