I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
