some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
