Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
