did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.