I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize