how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.