I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
