dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.