You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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