beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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