Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Randomize
