my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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