Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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