I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
