someone threw a dead crab at me
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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