FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
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