and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
