She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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