He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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