dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
