If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
