i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
