I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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