i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
