It's like God shit irony all over that family
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
