At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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