Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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