ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
