when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
