Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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