Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
