Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
