goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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