I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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