they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
