im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
