guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
