I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
