what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
