i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
