laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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