My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
