The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
