Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
