i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
