mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
