Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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