We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
