Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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