Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize