I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
