Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
