If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
