I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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