I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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