Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
