dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
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I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
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Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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