Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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