dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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