i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
