you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You're completely useless in the revolution.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
